Friday, May 4, 2018

Slip the Jab!

I've been on Xalkori for about three months and boy is it a game changer. At about week 6 of the treatment (March 9th) the PET scan/MRI results were astonishing...



The lung tumors that were originally reported in the previous PET scans were gone. The bones where the tumor had metastasized (sternum, lower rib, hip) are healed. It was especially fantastic to see the upper right hip completely lacking any cancer activity, now showing calcification (healing) in the area where the lesion was. This is something I had not seen in the scans from the previous two years. The tumor always appeared smaller, but active. This time it was gone.

The brain MRI also had some very positive results. The main tumor was reduced significantly and the smaller ones are gone.

I was overjoyed to hear this news, but still cautiously optimistic. My body was healing, but not necessarily cured. The Xalcori med is effective for a certain amount of time, yet my Oncologist has mentioned a few patients that have been on it since it was approved by the FDA (over three years). However, I have been feeling much stronger, confident, and joyous in spite of the continued side effects. My perspective on life is much more in-focus. I finally found that sliver of light at the end of the tunnel.



It's been quite the path the last past two years since the spot in my lung was discovered. A hard path where I was forced to face much of my fears. Most of this journey was fighting my own negative voice. That deep down drawl where all insecurities reside and only surface to discourage you. To make you quit. The guilt, the anger, the self-hatred. We all battle this in some form or other, but this was an amalgam of low self-esteem that bubbled up after years of being buried within. The constant feeling that I brought this on my own. That it's God's ultimate punishment. That it wasn't enough to be at death's door but that I also needed to suffer. Waste away physically & mentally while my family/friends bare witness.

But I was wrong.
Dead Wrong.



I have a new found respect for myself. A self appreciation for not giving up. Not just for my family & friends, but for me. I was hard on myself for most of my life, thinking I never measured up to - whatever. But I have reason to go on, for me. Reason to continue fighting, for me. Reason to continue loving, for me.

I've watched a lot of empowering videos that have helped me throughout my journey. From Joel Osteen, Lester Brown, Eric Thomas, Jim Carrey, et al. But the best came from the Rocky films. Listening to these clips daily would build me up, give me hope, and restore my Faith.

This clip is particularly special to me. It would help visualize my elderly self coaching my current self. Visiting from my future to encourage me, give me hope, and say he believes in me. Everything else falls into place from there:

Rocky & Mickey

I love you all.








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