The Big Casino - July 13th to August 30th, 2016

The last two weeks of July and all August were just a battery of tests, consultations, treatments, and the hip biopsy to determine if, in fact, the tumor growing there was associated with the Adenocarcinoma.  It was/is. So by this point all the Aces I had up my sleeve were gone. Also gone was any thought of finding any “cure” that I had only heard of the previous week. But, as it seems to be with any catastrophic disease that hits a person, it certainly made me reach to any form of Hope that presented itself in front of me.

There was still a lot of confusion, guilt, and general mis-trust in the whole medical team that was being formed around me, especially when a patient is associated with such a large medical institution such as Ceders-Sinai. You do get some personalized serviced, but as I began navigating the entrails of that medical center I found myself feeling more of a patient case number than a patient. I mean, that there were so many protocols to follow that in the end I just became another case number with which they would be able to manage my condition. Those TV commercials with the CS staff saying they’ll bring you balloons and cheer you on is generally bullshit. Or perhaps not, but I didn’t see it…

July 14, 2016: My first visit to the Oncologist was bitter herbs. Her bedside manner was so dry that I didn’t care for her from the beginning. After we discussed what Stage 4 really meant she ultimately just insinuated that I may not be long on Earth…

Me: “WTF, Then how long DO I HAVE?!”

Onc: “Well, only the Man upstairs knows…”

Me: "Jesus Fuking Xrist! Is that a sanctioned medical answer?”

Onc: “I mean we need to first get the biopsy identified, treatment schedule, etc… Don’t give up yet…”

Me, under my breath: “Fucking asshole…”

Onc: “Would you like me to refer you to a case worker…?”

And just like that:

July 18, 2016: CT SIM of my Lungs & Hip.

July 21, 2016: Painful Hip bone Biopsy.

July 21, 2016: Brain MRI.

July 25, 2016: 1^st Chemotherapy. During this session I was told that the Hip biopsy tested positive for the Adenocarcinoma, STAGE 4 confirmed.

July 27, 2016: Cancer Orientation: Chemotherapy & You.

July 27, 2016: 1st Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.

July 28, 2016: 2^nd Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.

July 29, 2016: 3rd Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.

August 1st, 2016: 4^th Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.
August 2nd, 2016: 5^th Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.
August 3rd, 2016: 6^th Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.

August 4th, 2016: 7^th Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.
August 5th, 2016: 8^th Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.

August 8th, 2016: 9^th Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.

August 9th, 2016: 10^th Radiation Therapy to my Lung & Hip.

August 15th, 2016: 2nd Chemotherapy.
August 20^th, 2016: Coughing up Blood… fuck me…

Called the Big Casino Radiation Dept:

•Radiation Oncologist: “It’s normal to see any type of blood discharge, especially after radiation. We’ll just monitor to see how the on-going treatment continues. But by this point your regular Oncologist will be quarter-backing the rest of the way…”

•Me: “I haven’t seen any scans or know what is really going on. Please show me any images that can help me comprehend what is going on…”

•Radiation Oncologist: “Well, the horses pretty much stormed the barnhouse….”



•Me: “What horses…?”



•Radiation Oncologist: “The Cancer has spread and is already within your blood stream. In essence, now it’s a monitoring game. Seeing where the Cancer will metastasize. A Cat & Mouse game…”

•Me: 

Filthy Fourths - July 8th, 2016

The Big Casino, Imaging dept.

The following day I got the infamous PET scan. A radiation fused scan that checks for diseases in the body, in my case to check where the Cancer is located. I thought to myself how dumb it was to receive this scan after being physically invaded with the procedures that were done in June.

“Wasn’t I already diagnosed…?”
“Wasn’t there a treatment protocol plan of action already being defined for my cure…?”

July 11^th, 2016, lunchtime at KABAM:

Sencha

•Radiation Oncologist: “PET Scan results unfortunately show that the cancer has metastasized to your upper right hip area. Are you having any pain there?”


Tick-Tock…


•Me: W-T-F…? I've been limping on my right leg since January!


Tick-Tock…


•Radiation Oncologist: “It's imperative that we get a biopsy of the hip bone to rule out if the tumor is related to the Lung Cancer.”


Tick...


•Me: “When? How soon do we need this?”


Tock... 


•Radiation Oncologist: “Sooner the better. We're already pulling in the paperwork for the HMO approval”


Tick…

•Me: “That takes forever, can we schedule the procedure and I’ll push for the approval…?”

Tock…


•Radiation Oncologist: “It may help expedite the approval if you call AETNA. We need to get this biopsied before we begin any type of treatment…”


Tick…


•Me: “Ok, ok... I'll jump on that. But the issue is still curable right?


Tock…


•Radiation Oncologist: “It's - treatable…”


Tick…


•Me: "But Dr, what does metastasized mean?”




STAGE 4 MOTHERFUCKER!!!

The Big Casino - July 1st, 2016

The first time I visited Paris in 2000,  I saw the famous catacombs that lay underneath the city streets. It was a striking view to navigate the labyrinth of skulls & bones that go on a path for miles, and I kept wondering to myself if there was still any “consciousness” locked into these old bones that is somehow aware that I was walking among them. Plus, seeing evidence of a person’s life left behind after passing so many centuries ago was quite a conundrum. In the end, I left thinking whether these folks were resting in peace.

Los Angeles, July 1st, 2016… 

“Thank you for calling the Samuel Oschin Comprehensive Cancer Institute at Cedars-Sinai, (blah, blah, blah) to make an appointment press 2…”

*pressed 02

“Yadha, yadha, yadha, see you the 7th.

When I arrived I was impressive by the massive new building that houses the medical departments I would get to know very well. The long check-in lobby reminded me of the many hotels in Las Vegas, where you simply get in line, show your reservation, then get a wrist ban wrapped on your hand as you ready yourself for an all-inclusive visit. 
Once your consultation team is ready you are escorted to the elevator and directed to the LL (lower-level) floor where you navigate the labyrinth of patients & staff that seem to go on for miles. Well, not really, but walking toward the consultation room reminded me of that visit in Paris. All the twists and turns that lead around the halls were peppered by patients waiting for their treatments.

“Jesus, where am I?”

Finally arrived at the Radiation Oncology department for my first official cancer consultation to get the first gist of what is going on. 

In essence:
• Adenocarcinoma Stage 03 (Lung Cancer)
• Spread to your Lymph Nodes (Malignant tumor: BAD)
• It can be cured…

The Radiation Oncologist suggested surgery by removing the whole upper left lung lobe and the affected lymph nodes, followed up with a 10 day radiation treatment to burn the shit out of any remaining cancer cells. On top of that, I was also to see a regular Oncologist for any potential Chemotherapy that would be needed as well.


“Wait, did he say curable…?”

Me: “Wait, did you say curable…?”

RO: “Yes. This can be treated fairly common and at this stage we can stop it…”

“Wait, did he say curable as in Curable…?”

Me: “Should I still get the other scans that were ordered, particularly the PET? It’s schedule for tomorrow”
RO: “Yes. This would help to determine our course of treatment action…”

“He said curable..!”

I left walking out like I had won the Life Lottery. My spirit began to swell with overwhelming gratitude, joy, appreciation… as if one of those old bones in the catacombs got a second chance at life. The peace of mind was palpable.

Back in the car I just sat there for a moment letting this all sink in.
Texted Polly. Texted my brother… then drove back to work to finish off the day.

But as it is with all Big Casinos, the House always has the edge…

Samba De Verão - Billy May

Interlude, to keep it Fresh...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pCxUCXbhMY

Exit, Stage 03 - June 28th, 2016

June 28^th, 2016. the darkest day of my life.

Diagnosis: Lung Cancer, Stage 3.

Me: “Stage 3? What the fuck is that?”
Doc: “The tumor is in your upper left lung lobe, but it spread to your lymph nodes.”

Me: “Lymph nodes? What the fuck are lymph nodes…?”

Earlier that day I had been given a Mediastinoscopy, where they perform a small surgery at the base of the neck and insert a specialized camera to visually check the area. Once there, the surgeon can easily flush any parts for a better view of the lungs. And there it was, a small neo-plasm that looked like a transparent blob blocking my left lung lobe. Plus, there was evidence that this neo-plasm was also inserted into the lymph nodes located in the center of my chest. This fucker was already gaining some serious ground within me, but for how long?

“Wait, did the surgeon really say the word Cancer?”

The surgeon opted for me to spend the night at the hospital for observation after my blood pressure spiked to dangerous levels soon after I was told. Plus, there would have to begin a battery of tests to identify the type of cancer that has developed, a PET scan, maybe an MRI of the body. And having Polly still at Ceders with the kids was not helpful.

“My God… I have a family…” 

Ultimately she left, and I was left alone to process this whole new fucking world that fell on my head. Needless to say sleep was off the table. My body kept triggering the cardiac alarms through the night, prompting the nurses to check-in on me frequently. At one point I thought I was having a heart attack... But it was all a mental issue. An anguish, deep-darkening of the soul issue.

 And this was the easy day…